I just came back from Mission Possible and it feels weird working as staff now. I had been volunteering there for the last 2 years and I just recently started working there. I received a cheque today which felt so odd because I don't think of it as work when I am there but rather a service to God. And so when I received the cheque I was extremely grateful. It was like a bonus on top of serving God rather than a "I worked for this" kind of attitude. I wonder if that is the kind of attitude we ought to take when we work or shall I say serve...b/c we are to serve God in all we do right?
Anyways, I am grateful to be working at an awesome place interacting with beautiful people all around me. I hope and pray they realize that God thinks they are beautiful and valuable.
I have also made a decision. As I was talking with God this morning while driving I have come to a decision about nursing. And as much as I hesitate to write this here I think I probably should...it will keep me accountable to my decision and the conversation I had with my lovely and honest Friend in the car.
So, as I was thanking my Friend for all sorts of opportunities, he started sharing with me his wonderful little talent story which I wanted to brush off so badly.
He was telling me that I've been given a certain number of talents which include the opportunities I have in front of me. I can either throw it away, an opportunity that not everyone can have, or I can take it and allow it to be used in the mighty ways he wills it and allow the talents to multiply. I was asking him, "why me God? why am I responsible for these talents? it's not like I am any better than anybody else." And he answered, "that is exactly why you must do it. You are not any better than anybody else. You have this opportunity that not everybody gets. So now, with what you know and have, what are you going to do with it?"
Man, God. JEepers.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
You're funny
So, the day after God asked me to call me his friend, before running off to work my dad wanted me to have a quick family service and I was like, “I don’t have time” and he was like “It’ll take 10 minutes” So we started off with singing a song…and it was in korean …and it was about Jesus being my friend. I just thought it was kinda funny. So I was like, “haha God, you’re very funny”
Exciting game
Still October 3rd before bed
Okay I think I got excited and as I was going to the washroom I just started thinking about the game and also how scared I was. I’m such a scaredy cat. I’m scared when I wash my face because of what might happen when I close my eyes, I am scared when it is pitch dark… I get quite scared easily. And I found you. I found you in my blanket. You are my blanket that covers my scared little feet and protects em from all the nibblers under my bed when I go to sleep. You are my protector.
I also found you in my ideal husband who awakens me delightfully and spends the morning hours with me either lying silently, talking, making coffee, eating breakfast, reading, or listening to music before I start my day.
Although this one hasn’t happened…for some reason I believe I can find you in that, but I guess I’ve been scared to experience you that intimately although every part of me wants to. I want to.
Okay I think I got excited and as I was going to the washroom I just started thinking about the game and also how scared I was. I’m such a scaredy cat. I’m scared when I wash my face because of what might happen when I close my eyes, I am scared when it is pitch dark… I get quite scared easily. And I found you. I found you in my blanket. You are my blanket that covers my scared little feet and protects em from all the nibblers under my bed when I go to sleep. You are my protector.
I also found you in my ideal husband who awakens me delightfully and spends the morning hours with me either lying silently, talking, making coffee, eating breakfast, reading, or listening to music before I start my day.
Although this one hasn’t happened…for some reason I believe I can find you in that, but I guess I’ve been scared to experience you that intimately although every part of me wants to. I want to.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
A little journey
October 3, 2008
So I have finally decided to do this. It’s late and I should be going to sleep since I have work 8:00 in the morning, but I would be up watching episodes of the OC anyways. And I know that this is important. Knowing I’ve realized is not enough for there have been far too many times I have known but have not done. So it was a pretty big struggle to actually pull out my laptop and start writing this as the excuses came pouring into my head, “you need to work tomorrow and get a goodnights rest so why don’t you do it during the day when you have time (which you occupy doing a million other time consuming things)”. The fight has been going on everyday and continues and today I decided to give in to the “other” voice. Holy Spirit? Perhaps. It’s been awhile since I’ve listened to that voice. Anyways, soo I know I need to be doing this. This knowledge comes from that voice, and this ‘this’ is keeping record of my life so that perhaps I can see the hands of God at work in my life. To see what happens to a completely broken, messed up, in need of fixing life. You see I believe in God. Not only do I believe in God, but I know that God works, he is love, he changes lives, he restores, he heals, etc. I know all this and I believe all this, I’ve seen this, I’ve gotten a glimpse and some taste of this, and I even claim to be his daughter, yet I haven’t experienced the abundance and fullness of the life that he has given me…only to a certain extent…to the extent I want him to and then I take over. So perhaps keeping record will not only keep me accountable for the decision that I have made today to not only know what that abundant life is or looks like but to actually live it to the fullest he has designed me to be. Is that possible? I don’t know, but I think it’s worth trying because this depression thing is not working out for me.
My boyfriend helped me today in making this first step, this decision. He doesn’t know about it yet, and I’m not exactly planning on telling him, hopefully my life will show it. I’ve only told two people that I have been crying before going to bed every single night. It’s this feeling of frustration, trappedness, meaninglessness, hopelessness, and I don’t know just tears. So he prayed for me yesterday. And yesterday for the first time in awhile I did not cry before going to bed. I think there is power in his prayers. So on our way home just a little while ago after we went out for some McD’s I asked him to pray for me again…which has I believe already helped me…in bringing me here. I’m not sure if it is me listening to his prayer, the fact that he is hoping and praying for me, the Holy Spirit at work, or whatever that has caused me to start writing this, but whatever it is…is kinda working for now. At least I won this fight…I’m writing, rather than watching the OC, which I haven’t done in ages. I usually write things to convict or challenge others because I’ve heard, realized, or discovered things that have convicted or challenged me, so this writing is a little different. I’m putting myself out there, out …on this piece of laptop paper, to see what God is made up of.
There’s an interesting section in this book I’m reading called the Shack where Mack, the main character is having a conversation with God in the shack and God describes how Jesus like this bird whose nature is to fly, chooses only to walk and remain on the ground. The bird however never stops being the bird. He explains to Mack that although by nature Jesus is fully God, Jesus is fully human and lives as such. While never losing the innate ability to fly, he chooses moment-by-moment to remain grounded and thus the name Immanuel. Mack then asks about Jesus’ ability to heal the blind, etc. and God interestingly says, “Jesus is fully human. Although he is also fully God, he has never drawn upon his nature as God to do anything. He has only lived out of his relationship with me, living in the very same manner that I desire to be in relationship with every human being. He is just the first to do it to the uttermost—the first to absolutely trust my life within him, the first to believe in my love and my goodness without regard for appearance or consequence..So when he healed the blind, he did so as a dependent, limited human being trusting in my life and power to be at work within him and through him. Jesus, as a human being, had no power within himself to heal anyone. Only as he rested in his relationship with me, and in our communion—our co-union—could he express my heart and will into any given circumstance. So, when you look at Jesus and it appears that he is flying, he really is..flying. But what you are actually seeing is me; my life in him. That’s how he lives and acts as a true human, how every human is designed to live—out of my life.” And it goes on. Wow.
I guess that is what this is all about. I want to be in relationship with him to the uttermost, to absolutely trust God’s life within me, to believe in his love and goodness, and to live out of my relationship with God. Ultimately when I die and I have lived this life, the one thing I want people to say about me is God’s life in me. To see His fingerprints written all over me, his workings, and to leave his fingerprints with those I’ve lived with, those I’ve interacted with, those I’ve come in contact with. That’s my desire. There I said it. That is my desire!!!!!!
So where do I begin, well….I’ll start off with one thing…something my friend suggested to me today…listening prayer. You ask God a question and you listen to his answer.
So here it goes.
God, first of all, what would you like me to call you? I’ve been wondering this because ever since I started reading the shack I thought it was kinda interesting how Mack’s wife calls you Papa…although she is not a real person.. anyways, I want to know what you would like me to call you.
Friend. (So interesting how this is the answer. Completely not what I was thinking. I was thinking something more like Poppy or dad or something…I don’t even know if it’s “right” but I guess it works. I mean God is God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit…and we call Jesus, friend right? Anyways…here I go again, justifying what I’ve heard to make sure it fits and is okay.)
Why do you want me to call you ‘friend’?
You say you want to be in uttermost relationship with me. I know that you know that you are my daughter and that I love you dearly, but I don’t think you completely understand that you can have a beautiful friendship with your father. I want you to call me your friend so you can understand that better. I want to be in on your problems, struggles, convictions, excitement, and more. I want to enjoy life with you.
Okay, Friend. I just had to go back and capitalize the ‘f’ on friend…I don’t know I guess it still just doesn’t feel right. I guess this will take some time.
Whenever you’re ready.
So Friend, what do you wanna do?
I wanna play a game with you.
Again? I’ve done this one with you already.
Almost a decade ago.
Okay, what game?
First of all I want you to stop looking up when you talk with me. I’m not way up there in the sky. This game is called, “I spy with my little eyes something that is Me”. I want you to look for me in your everyday life. Is it this? And I will answer you. And then record it. You will find me (not to your surprise because you already “know” this) that I am not way up there. So stop looking up. Be freed from your routine and religious acts. Yes there may be reason which is good to understand but I want you to live free in me.
So I have finally decided to do this. It’s late and I should be going to sleep since I have work 8:00 in the morning, but I would be up watching episodes of the OC anyways. And I know that this is important. Knowing I’ve realized is not enough for there have been far too many times I have known but have not done. So it was a pretty big struggle to actually pull out my laptop and start writing this as the excuses came pouring into my head, “you need to work tomorrow and get a goodnights rest so why don’t you do it during the day when you have time (which you occupy doing a million other time consuming things)”. The fight has been going on everyday and continues and today I decided to give in to the “other” voice. Holy Spirit? Perhaps. It’s been awhile since I’ve listened to that voice. Anyways, soo I know I need to be doing this. This knowledge comes from that voice, and this ‘this’ is keeping record of my life so that perhaps I can see the hands of God at work in my life. To see what happens to a completely broken, messed up, in need of fixing life. You see I believe in God. Not only do I believe in God, but I know that God works, he is love, he changes lives, he restores, he heals, etc. I know all this and I believe all this, I’ve seen this, I’ve gotten a glimpse and some taste of this, and I even claim to be his daughter, yet I haven’t experienced the abundance and fullness of the life that he has given me…only to a certain extent…to the extent I want him to and then I take over. So perhaps keeping record will not only keep me accountable for the decision that I have made today to not only know what that abundant life is or looks like but to actually live it to the fullest he has designed me to be. Is that possible? I don’t know, but I think it’s worth trying because this depression thing is not working out for me.
My boyfriend helped me today in making this first step, this decision. He doesn’t know about it yet, and I’m not exactly planning on telling him, hopefully my life will show it. I’ve only told two people that I have been crying before going to bed every single night. It’s this feeling of frustration, trappedness, meaninglessness, hopelessness, and I don’t know just tears. So he prayed for me yesterday. And yesterday for the first time in awhile I did not cry before going to bed. I think there is power in his prayers. So on our way home just a little while ago after we went out for some McD’s I asked him to pray for me again…which has I believe already helped me…in bringing me here. I’m not sure if it is me listening to his prayer, the fact that he is hoping and praying for me, the Holy Spirit at work, or whatever that has caused me to start writing this, but whatever it is…is kinda working for now. At least I won this fight…I’m writing, rather than watching the OC, which I haven’t done in ages. I usually write things to convict or challenge others because I’ve heard, realized, or discovered things that have convicted or challenged me, so this writing is a little different. I’m putting myself out there, out …on this piece of laptop paper, to see what God is made up of.
There’s an interesting section in this book I’m reading called the Shack where Mack, the main character is having a conversation with God in the shack and God describes how Jesus like this bird whose nature is to fly, chooses only to walk and remain on the ground. The bird however never stops being the bird. He explains to Mack that although by nature Jesus is fully God, Jesus is fully human and lives as such. While never losing the innate ability to fly, he chooses moment-by-moment to remain grounded and thus the name Immanuel. Mack then asks about Jesus’ ability to heal the blind, etc. and God interestingly says, “Jesus is fully human. Although he is also fully God, he has never drawn upon his nature as God to do anything. He has only lived out of his relationship with me, living in the very same manner that I desire to be in relationship with every human being. He is just the first to do it to the uttermost—the first to absolutely trust my life within him, the first to believe in my love and my goodness without regard for appearance or consequence..So when he healed the blind, he did so as a dependent, limited human being trusting in my life and power to be at work within him and through him. Jesus, as a human being, had no power within himself to heal anyone. Only as he rested in his relationship with me, and in our communion—our co-union—could he express my heart and will into any given circumstance. So, when you look at Jesus and it appears that he is flying, he really is..flying. But what you are actually seeing is me; my life in him. That’s how he lives and acts as a true human, how every human is designed to live—out of my life.” And it goes on. Wow.
I guess that is what this is all about. I want to be in relationship with him to the uttermost, to absolutely trust God’s life within me, to believe in his love and goodness, and to live out of my relationship with God. Ultimately when I die and I have lived this life, the one thing I want people to say about me is God’s life in me. To see His fingerprints written all over me, his workings, and to leave his fingerprints with those I’ve lived with, those I’ve interacted with, those I’ve come in contact with. That’s my desire. There I said it. That is my desire!!!!!!
So where do I begin, well….I’ll start off with one thing…something my friend suggested to me today…listening prayer. You ask God a question and you listen to his answer.
So here it goes.
God, first of all, what would you like me to call you? I’ve been wondering this because ever since I started reading the shack I thought it was kinda interesting how Mack’s wife calls you Papa…although she is not a real person.. anyways, I want to know what you would like me to call you.
Friend. (So interesting how this is the answer. Completely not what I was thinking. I was thinking something more like Poppy or dad or something…I don’t even know if it’s “right” but I guess it works. I mean God is God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit…and we call Jesus, friend right? Anyways…here I go again, justifying what I’ve heard to make sure it fits and is okay.)
Why do you want me to call you ‘friend’?
You say you want to be in uttermost relationship with me. I know that you know that you are my daughter and that I love you dearly, but I don’t think you completely understand that you can have a beautiful friendship with your father. I want you to call me your friend so you can understand that better. I want to be in on your problems, struggles, convictions, excitement, and more. I want to enjoy life with you.
Okay, Friend. I just had to go back and capitalize the ‘f’ on friend…I don’t know I guess it still just doesn’t feel right. I guess this will take some time.
Whenever you’re ready.
So Friend, what do you wanna do?
I wanna play a game with you.
Again? I’ve done this one with you already.
Almost a decade ago.
Okay, what game?
First of all I want you to stop looking up when you talk with me. I’m not way up there in the sky. This game is called, “I spy with my little eyes something that is Me”. I want you to look for me in your everyday life. Is it this? And I will answer you. And then record it. You will find me (not to your surprise because you already “know” this) that I am not way up there. So stop looking up. Be freed from your routine and religious acts. Yes there may be reason which is good to understand but I want you to live free in me.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Precious Gem
One of my friends whom I met while volunteering a year ago in the DTES sent me a message. And in that message one of the things she wrote was:
"You will learn many things that are not written in the textbooks. It is written in the hearts of the people (patients) you will meet. You take care coz the world needs somebody like Grace."
I can't believe the amount of impact those words are having on me right now.
I gain soooo much from her and her life story. She's been through heck of a lot and has been quite hurt by the church and is having a hard time believing there is a God.
She is so beautiful and I know God loves her soooo much. Please pray for her.
I'm meeting her in two hours! I'm sooo excited to see her!
"You will learn many things that are not written in the textbooks. It is written in the hearts of the people (patients) you will meet. You take care coz the world needs somebody like Grace."
I can't believe the amount of impact those words are having on me right now.
I gain soooo much from her and her life story. She's been through heck of a lot and has been quite hurt by the church and is having a hard time believing there is a God.
She is so beautiful and I know God loves her soooo much. Please pray for her.
I'm meeting her in two hours! I'm sooo excited to see her!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A couple of lyrics
I just wanna share the lyrics to a couple of songs I wrote a while ago.
Walking
Walking through each day, wonderin where I'm going
The sun is down before I even know what I'm doing
So I close my eyes and I shut my ears
Turn off my mind and just keep on walking
Desensitize me so I don't gotta think no more
Desensititize me with shows, clothes and booze
Desensitize me with another cup of coffee please
Look to the east and the west
Lectures and theories, philosophies
Where are the answers to my hearts condition
Scared to see what I will find so subconsciously I shout
Desensitize me so I don't gotta think no more
Desensitize me with busy-ness, no time to spare
Desensitize me with another cup of coffee please...
Walking just walking just walking...
Walking and walking just walking...
Will your Kingdom Come?
I can hear the world cry out, injustice all around me
But I keep on walking as none's wrong
I can see my friend choke down, people dying 'round me
But I close my eyes to see no one
I can't do this longer now, I've become a corpse
Strip me to the core so I can breathe
I want to breathe want to be free
To live a life created for me
Oh God break me apart
Help me to see your heart
I can hear the world cry out, injustice all around me
I can see my friend choke down, people dying 'round me
But I choose to be a part of Kingdom Come.
Walking
Walking through each day, wonderin where I'm going
The sun is down before I even know what I'm doing
So I close my eyes and I shut my ears
Turn off my mind and just keep on walking
Desensitize me so I don't gotta think no more
Desensititize me with shows, clothes and booze
Desensitize me with another cup of coffee please
Look to the east and the west
Lectures and theories, philosophies
Where are the answers to my hearts condition
Scared to see what I will find so subconsciously I shout
Desensitize me so I don't gotta think no more
Desensitize me with busy-ness, no time to spare
Desensitize me with another cup of coffee please...
Walking just walking just walking...
Walking and walking just walking...
Will your Kingdom Come?
I can hear the world cry out, injustice all around me
But I keep on walking as none's wrong
I can see my friend choke down, people dying 'round me
But I close my eyes to see no one
I can't do this longer now, I've become a corpse
Strip me to the core so I can breathe
I want to breathe want to be free
To live a life created for me
Oh God break me apart
Help me to see your heart
I can hear the world cry out, injustice all around me
I can see my friend choke down, people dying 'round me
But I choose to be a part of Kingdom Come.
Entry 2
What we say, what we do, what we wear, what we eat is what we promote with our lives whether it is what we want to promote or not.
Every action has so much meaning, probably more than we know. For example something as simple as going to tim hortons and purchasing coffee. I'm guessing that tim hortons coffee isn't fair trade. Just the act of buying that coffee says "I am okay with purchasing something that might not have been ethically traded." Or "I'm okay that maybe some people may not have been paid properly (or treated properly)" because I continue to promote this with my dollars. And although it is not something we would deliberately do, we are continuing the problem with our money and by saying it is okay to others around us (b/c we just bought it).
I don't mean to be all ethical and "lets change the world". But do we think about the clothes we buy? Where it was made or how it was made? Some people argue that if it weren't for sweat shops people would be jobless or would end up in prostitution and what not. So does that mean sweat shops are okay b/c it's the lesser of the evils??
Do we think about the impact of eating meat, not just for how the animals are treated in our factory farms (although that is unbelievably bad enough) but also on our environment (factory farming) and how our north american meat consumption affects our health?
Choosing to spend more of our time in entertainment over family? Or bf over friends? It's not that they're bad but that what we do is a representation of our state...the state of our heart..the state of our priorities. It isn't necessarily what we want, but it represents what it is.
I find sometimes the person I want to be seems so far, idealistic, impossible, or difficult. I look around me and there are problems everywhere. Where do I start? I think a lot of us also have a tendency not to do something unless it's perfect or there are results. For me living as the person God wants me to be while living in this world seems impossible. So what then? Do nothing about it? In one of my classes I learned that this is called naturalistic fallacy-when we don't move to the 'ought' b/c it's always been like this or there is nothing you can do. It's pretty much an invalid arugument.
Anyways, so I decided..fine...I'll do what I can within what I can do. So I began buying fairtrade coffee and tea. When I go to starbucks I will ask if they have their fairtrade coffee (which are Estima, Verona, and Organic mexican something-->they are starbucks' certified fairtrade coffees. Their other ones are apparently fairly traded but haven't been certified yet b/c of costs.)I don't buy meat when I go grocery shopping and try to buy free range eggs (altho i'm a little iffy about that too now). I've purchased bags that can be used over again (made from recycled material) for grocery shopping, shopping etc. I'm trying to buy fairtrade stuff...clothing being the most difficult b/c there is barely anything in Canada and the U.S. I'm having a hard time going to thrift stores instead (I should try more). And there is still so much more I can do. It's an uphill battle sometimes because it's not like you see changes and differences being made.
But you know what..just because I can't change the world or make a difference does not mean I should give up. Why? B/c God looks at your heart. What are you going to do about the things you can do? Can I see that you're trying to live it out? B/c God uses very non-special unexpecting people with the right heart.
I want my life to reflect the kind of person I want to become. I want to become a woman who gives some crap about God's creation (his people, the environment, and even the animals-->watch earthlings). I want to reflect a life that isn't consumed by me. When I've lived this life I want people to say I cared. I want people to see that even though I didn't have much, there was life and an undying hope to me that could only come from God. I want to have lived an abundant life. I want people to say “Her heart was taken by God” “She was all about the kingdom of God on earth and she didn’t choose to be discouraged by what she saw around her…she had an ongoing hope even when things seemed hopeless or impossible."
I'm still so far from who I want to become but that doesn't mean I don't do anything about it. Even if I fail to live in the way I want over and over again, I get back up, learn, get better, keep going, trusting and hoping in God and becoming the woman he created me to be consumed by His will, His kingdom (what He wants).
Like Hillsong said when they came to Tbird..my life is like a guitar and when it's in the right hands beautiful music can be made from it. I give my life to you God to play beautiful music.
So these were my thoughts from awhile ago which I just haven't had time to blog.
Every action has so much meaning, probably more than we know. For example something as simple as going to tim hortons and purchasing coffee. I'm guessing that tim hortons coffee isn't fair trade. Just the act of buying that coffee says "I am okay with purchasing something that might not have been ethically traded." Or "I'm okay that maybe some people may not have been paid properly (or treated properly)" because I continue to promote this with my dollars. And although it is not something we would deliberately do, we are continuing the problem with our money and by saying it is okay to others around us (b/c we just bought it).
I don't mean to be all ethical and "lets change the world". But do we think about the clothes we buy? Where it was made or how it was made? Some people argue that if it weren't for sweat shops people would be jobless or would end up in prostitution and what not. So does that mean sweat shops are okay b/c it's the lesser of the evils??
Do we think about the impact of eating meat, not just for how the animals are treated in our factory farms (although that is unbelievably bad enough) but also on our environment (factory farming) and how our north american meat consumption affects our health?
Choosing to spend more of our time in entertainment over family? Or bf over friends? It's not that they're bad but that what we do is a representation of our state...the state of our heart..the state of our priorities. It isn't necessarily what we want, but it represents what it is.
I find sometimes the person I want to be seems so far, idealistic, impossible, or difficult. I look around me and there are problems everywhere. Where do I start? I think a lot of us also have a tendency not to do something unless it's perfect or there are results. For me living as the person God wants me to be while living in this world seems impossible. So what then? Do nothing about it? In one of my classes I learned that this is called naturalistic fallacy-when we don't move to the 'ought' b/c it's always been like this or there is nothing you can do. It's pretty much an invalid arugument.
Anyways, so I decided..fine...I'll do what I can within what I can do. So I began buying fairtrade coffee and tea. When I go to starbucks I will ask if they have their fairtrade coffee (which are Estima, Verona, and Organic mexican something-->they are starbucks' certified fairtrade coffees. Their other ones are apparently fairly traded but haven't been certified yet b/c of costs.)I don't buy meat when I go grocery shopping and try to buy free range eggs (altho i'm a little iffy about that too now). I've purchased bags that can be used over again (made from recycled material) for grocery shopping, shopping etc. I'm trying to buy fairtrade stuff...clothing being the most difficult b/c there is barely anything in Canada and the U.S. I'm having a hard time going to thrift stores instead (I should try more). And there is still so much more I can do. It's an uphill battle sometimes because it's not like you see changes and differences being made.
But you know what..just because I can't change the world or make a difference does not mean I should give up. Why? B/c God looks at your heart. What are you going to do about the things you can do? Can I see that you're trying to live it out? B/c God uses very non-special unexpecting people with the right heart.
I want my life to reflect the kind of person I want to become. I want to become a woman who gives some crap about God's creation (his people, the environment, and even the animals-->watch earthlings). I want to reflect a life that isn't consumed by me. When I've lived this life I want people to say I cared. I want people to see that even though I didn't have much, there was life and an undying hope to me that could only come from God. I want to have lived an abundant life. I want people to say “Her heart was taken by God” “She was all about the kingdom of God on earth and she didn’t choose to be discouraged by what she saw around her…she had an ongoing hope even when things seemed hopeless or impossible."
I'm still so far from who I want to become but that doesn't mean I don't do anything about it. Even if I fail to live in the way I want over and over again, I get back up, learn, get better, keep going, trusting and hoping in God and becoming the woman he created me to be consumed by His will, His kingdom (what He wants).
Like Hillsong said when they came to Tbird..my life is like a guitar and when it's in the right hands beautiful music can be made from it. I give my life to you God to play beautiful music.
So these were my thoughts from awhile ago which I just haven't had time to blog.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
cry
So I wanted to write my next blog on some of the amazing things God's been doing in my life. But I'm not exactly in the state to do so. Sigh. I think I need to get this off my chest first.
My heart feels like it's been ripped out of me. It hurts so much. I don't know how and when I let myself become this vulnerable...it hurts. I know it was the right thing and I know that God is breaking me apart so that I can be more fully dependent on Him. And I know that this is good and that it'll all be more than okay. And I know he wants me to live the abundant life he has for me. And I'm so grateful that God still wants my heart and he wants to work good in my life even though my heart was somewhere else. And I'm super blessed by all the support and love I know I have around me. But it still hurts. I'm screaming and crying my heart out. I guess it's all part of the healing process.
There's a part of me that wants to go back.But God keeps crying out to me to look forward and look at Him. I'm fighting. I'm fighting so hard. But I feel so weak. If it came back to me right now, I would crumble at any moment. So I've been praying not only for strength and peace but to keep me from going back. B/c I want to, there's a part of me that wants it back so bad. But another part of me that's been crying quietly wants me to want what God wants more than anything else. So I'm refraining and I'm fighting and in the process I believe I am being healed to the core from this aching pain that doesn't seem to be leaving the left side of my chest.
All I can do right now is just cry. And it's okay.
My heart feels like it's been ripped out of me. It hurts so much. I don't know how and when I let myself become this vulnerable...it hurts. I know it was the right thing and I know that God is breaking me apart so that I can be more fully dependent on Him. And I know that this is good and that it'll all be more than okay. And I know he wants me to live the abundant life he has for me. And I'm so grateful that God still wants my heart and he wants to work good in my life even though my heart was somewhere else. And I'm super blessed by all the support and love I know I have around me. But it still hurts. I'm screaming and crying my heart out. I guess it's all part of the healing process.
There's a part of me that wants to go back.But God keeps crying out to me to look forward and look at Him. I'm fighting. I'm fighting so hard. But I feel so weak. If it came back to me right now, I would crumble at any moment. So I've been praying not only for strength and peace but to keep me from going back. B/c I want to, there's a part of me that wants it back so bad. But another part of me that's been crying quietly wants me to want what God wants more than anything else. So I'm refraining and I'm fighting and in the process I believe I am being healed to the core from this aching pain that doesn't seem to be leaving the left side of my chest.
All I can do right now is just cry. And it's okay.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Entry 1
March 13, 2008, 4:00am
Thought process/Attempt at figuring out and organizing the crazy information floating around in my head:
Thy Kingdom Come: Hmmm…I think it has a lot to do with Namaste-Respecting the spirit dwelling in the temple of God (the person). Although this term is used a lot by Buddhists and other religions, it should be quite relevant to the Christian faith. In other words treating each person as the most precious being in the world (treating people as though they were Jesus) or seeing God’s image in each person we encounter.
Let me try to explain why I think "living namaste" has a lot to do with "thy kingdom come". We live in a world/society that has dehumanized people: we lust (ex. look at posters of people as if they’re objects), we kill, lie, cheat, steal, gossip, greed for more, and grumble to better ourselves usually being completely oblivious to who it impacts and what kind of impact our actions may have on society, the marginalized, and the world. In a world that tells us we can do whatever we want, in a world that tells us anything is achievable if we put our minds to it, in a world that essentially dehumanizes us (without us knowing), we find a Jesus who came to show us another way to live. He told us to open our eyes because the kingdom is near. The kingdom is in our midst, we just need to open our eyes to see God’s image in each person. What does this mean? Do we see how valuable each being is and treat them with worth just for the mere fact that they are God's creation? Jesus essentially comes to a dehumanized world that has made a hell out of God’s creation and tells us that this wasn’t how God intended us to live. We get mixed confusing messages, but essentially Jesus is telling us that it is hypocritical to spend hundreds of dollars on a church stained glass window while the hungry are starving to death. It is not just an issue of poverty and hunger, but the issue is the fact that we have become dehumanized enough to care less about God’s precious creation (human beings). Why do we love to watch movies? why do we love people’s stories? why do we love to have more than surface level conversations? It makes us human again…it touches the core of our being…we weren’t meant to be people who treat each other like animals or objects. So why am I so passionate about the homeless and the poor? Because in my world around me of consumerism, self-servism (made up word), and a lot of the times a day full of busyness with little of what’s real, talking with the homeless and poor humanizes me again. It’s weird because I used to think and people think that when I go and volunteer in the DTES, I am helping them, but selfish as it is, I am drawn to them because as I listen to these people with little else to lose vulnerably pour out their stories, I am touched again and I feel my heart being changed. And I begin to see Jesus in these intriguing people (who move hearts). They are the most precious beings in the world.. how can I selfishly ignore their cries and their hurts. And I want the world to see and hear their cries; I want the world to listen, to be touched, and to become human again.
Maybe that’s why people say they see God when they go on mission trips because when we're with the hurting and the poor we're humanized and touched by people’s stories and we see just how real and precious people are. When we realize that people are not just objects or to be treated like garbage, or criminals or "they deserve it" kind of attitude, but see that people are bearers of God’s image, we understand that it's not just about being a "good person" with a "special gift" or a "special heart" but we understand that God is just.
So the question isn't whether we believe in God or not, because whether you do or not, it doesn't change anything.. God is who he is. The question is, will you take part in Jesus' invitation to take part in his kingdom (an invitation to be a people set apart from a life of self-servism and dehumanization into a kingdom or lifestyle or way of seflessism and humanization).
Can we live this kingdom namaste without God? Essentially can these high morals stand alone apart from the Creator?
Time and time again we've seen leaders and religions with these morals...but why have they failed? why have they become corrupted? Many times people (christians included) start off with good intentions.. equality, selflessness, etc..but with human ability alone, we are prone to fail...due to our limited knowledge, our feelings, our nature when temptations creep in.... basically we're not God. That's why those good things (as attractive as they are) anytime it stands alone/apart from God... doesn't work. We need to know who our Creator is in order to know how to properly live a life intended by Him. The two need to go hand in hand because it is God who has unlimited knowledge, it is Jesus who loved perfectly (unconditionally).
I personally don't think that God's kingdom is a far away thing, I believe that we become a part of his kingdom when we join in on the work that God has begun.
God is Almighty..Yes.. and he does have the power to do whatever he wants, such as getting rid of hunger and disease and pain. Jesus and his followers have healed the sick and raised the dead…but eventually the people that have been healed by the miracles of Jesus will eventually get sick from something else and die from something else (can’t remember where I read this). It isn’t the miracles and power that makes God God. When the people asked Jesus to save himself, Jesus had the power to save himself. When Satan tempted Jesus to make stones into bread (probably a huge temptation to get rid of hunger in the world) Jesus had the power to do so, but Jesus knew that it wasn’t an issue of hunger but rather an issue of whether his people (anyone willing to follow him) were willing to give a shit about these people who’ve been forgotten and treated like nothing. When Satan tempted Jesus to jump off in the center of the Roman Empire and prove to the world and the religious powers that he is God, Jesus could have done so, and may have been very tempted to do so. But if at any time Jesus gave into the self-idolizing act and greed for power with the world, he would have failed to relay the point. It is not that Jesus healed the leper, it was that Jesus touched someone that nobody dared to go near. It was that Jesus accepted the prostitute that the religious folks had judged. It was that Jesus accepted the tax collector (the “bad” one). We remember the Jesus who loved the loweliest, the judged, the marginalized, the forgotten, the unloved, those yearning to be loved. Jesus was teaching his people (whoever is willing to follow) to stop dehumanizing God’s creation, stop violence, and stop treating people like shit. He calls his people (whoever is willing to follow) to truly live as we were intended to live set apart from the ways of the devil (power, pride, greed....etc)
The reason why we don’t find God at the top (the place with all the pride, the money, greed, usually success) or even on the road that leads to that path is because on that road people have ignored God’s intended way of living, loving, and sharing and have chosen to live lives apart from God and don’t want anything to do with him (usually these are the people who “have it altogether” and know it all) and in Romans 1:18-32 God reveals his wrath to them. The funny thing is..God’s wrath/condemnation isn’t what we think it is. God's wrath is by letting them go to live as they wish (if you don’t believe me..read it). He pretty much says, “If you don’t care, there’s nothing else I can do, I’m not going to force you to do anything (b/c that will only make you into robots), so fine go and live and do as you please” …resulting in a people making a hell of God’s creation by hoarding, lusting, sexually confused, hurting each other, and walking through a downward spiral of dehumanization and negatively impacting society’s marginalized, forgotten, and making the gap between the rich and poor greater and greater and then wondering how God could do such a thing to the poor and the suffering.
So Jesus calls us to live set apart from this kind of hell. He calls us to live as heaven on earth, to pray for his kingdom come (impacting people with love and inviting people to live as heaven on earth), to only take our daily bread (only what we need…so that we don’t walk down that road of greed, hoarding, gluttony).
A lot of times the reason why so many “Christians” are dry, empty, and in need of something to fill them up again and again is because we ourselves are confused with Jesus’ teachings and the world we live in. I guess the question to ask is, is it possible to follow Jesus (to show people a life that values humans) while holding on to stuff? I personally think that is why Jesus was poor. It just seems a little hypocritical to say we love God and cause someone to suffer because we value that new gadget over a person…a real person..yes real…maybe that’s what we don’t get. Maybe people aren’t real to us when we don’t see them or interact with them…maybe that’s why our hearts are changed when we encounter the suffering, the orphans, the widows, the poor….b/c we see that they are real.
We say we love God…but God says... how can you love the Creator if you treat His creation like nothing? We say we love Jesus, but Jesus tells us that whatever we do for the needy we have done for Jesus himself.
If religious people are merely gathering among themselves and creating their own “Christian culture” they are no followers of Jesus. It is on that ironic road that Jesus walked of selflessism and humanization (through sacrificial love), we find life, humans, God, a kingdom. This kingdom is already in the midst of us. Since the beginning of time, God has called his people over and over to live a life set apart, and Jesus comes to show us how to live that set apart life and invites us to join in this kingdom characterized by seeing the divine nature in each human and treating them as God’s precious creation.
I’m a little biased…so to compensate for it I’m gonna pretty much quote a huge section out of the new book I’m reading called Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne P.95. This section is talking about the Sermon on the Mount (read it first if you don’t know it).
“If the people of God were to transform the world through fascination, these amazing teachings had to work at the center of these peculiar people. Then we can look into the eyes of a centurion and see not a beast but a child of God, and then walk with that child a couple of miles. Look into the eyes of tax collectors as they sue you in court; see their poverty and give them your coat. Look into the eyes of the ones who are hardest for you to like, and see the One you love. For God loves good and bad people. Even God doesn’t grasp for the knowledge of good and evil but sends rain to water the fields of both the just and the unjust. That’s why enemy love is the only thing that Jesus says makes a person like God---perfect.” (side note: Yoder notes that the word perfect here doesn’t mean “without blemish” but means “unconditional” (Politics of Jesus, 117))
My Prayer:
God, I don’t know what to do with all this stuff around me right now. I want to follow you but because of the messed up and confused life that I have lived with mixed messages coming from all over I have gotten myself into a bit of a trap and I don’t know where to begin and what to do. My heart still aches as I look at this world and I am frustrated by my own selfishness and greed. Help me God to live a life set apart for you. If there is something that you want me to let go of, would you show me what it is, and then open another (your) door for me. If you want me to give away my jacket would you show me where to give it? If you want me to let go of my dresser, would you show me where you want me to give it to. Open these doors for me, I am willing to give You (for your kingdomàyour creation) anything. I just need to start somewhere. I will take time right now to pause and think of what you want me to let go of.
My books? Seriously? Interesting…not what I had imagined. book according to the person who needs it? with a message in the cover of each book, “…pass this book on to the next person needed”
Ummmm…okay if that’s the first step you want me to take….I’ll do it…..
Thought process/Attempt at figuring out and organizing the crazy information floating around in my head:
Thy Kingdom Come: Hmmm…I think it has a lot to do with Namaste-Respecting the spirit dwelling in the temple of God (the person). Although this term is used a lot by Buddhists and other religions, it should be quite relevant to the Christian faith. In other words treating each person as the most precious being in the world (treating people as though they were Jesus) or seeing God’s image in each person we encounter.
Let me try to explain why I think "living namaste" has a lot to do with "thy kingdom come". We live in a world/society that has dehumanized people: we lust (ex. look at posters of people as if they’re objects), we kill, lie, cheat, steal, gossip, greed for more, and grumble to better ourselves usually being completely oblivious to who it impacts and what kind of impact our actions may have on society, the marginalized, and the world. In a world that tells us we can do whatever we want, in a world that tells us anything is achievable if we put our minds to it, in a world that essentially dehumanizes us (without us knowing), we find a Jesus who came to show us another way to live. He told us to open our eyes because the kingdom is near. The kingdom is in our midst, we just need to open our eyes to see God’s image in each person. What does this mean? Do we see how valuable each being is and treat them with worth just for the mere fact that they are God's creation? Jesus essentially comes to a dehumanized world that has made a hell out of God’s creation and tells us that this wasn’t how God intended us to live. We get mixed confusing messages, but essentially Jesus is telling us that it is hypocritical to spend hundreds of dollars on a church stained glass window while the hungry are starving to death. It is not just an issue of poverty and hunger, but the issue is the fact that we have become dehumanized enough to care less about God’s precious creation (human beings). Why do we love to watch movies? why do we love people’s stories? why do we love to have more than surface level conversations? It makes us human again…it touches the core of our being…we weren’t meant to be people who treat each other like animals or objects. So why am I so passionate about the homeless and the poor? Because in my world around me of consumerism, self-servism (made up word), and a lot of the times a day full of busyness with little of what’s real, talking with the homeless and poor humanizes me again. It’s weird because I used to think and people think that when I go and volunteer in the DTES, I am helping them, but selfish as it is, I am drawn to them because as I listen to these people with little else to lose vulnerably pour out their stories, I am touched again and I feel my heart being changed. And I begin to see Jesus in these intriguing people (who move hearts). They are the most precious beings in the world.. how can I selfishly ignore their cries and their hurts. And I want the world to see and hear their cries; I want the world to listen, to be touched, and to become human again.
Maybe that’s why people say they see God when they go on mission trips because when we're with the hurting and the poor we're humanized and touched by people’s stories and we see just how real and precious people are. When we realize that people are not just objects or to be treated like garbage, or criminals or "they deserve it" kind of attitude, but see that people are bearers of God’s image, we understand that it's not just about being a "good person" with a "special gift" or a "special heart" but we understand that God is just.
So the question isn't whether we believe in God or not, because whether you do or not, it doesn't change anything.. God is who he is. The question is, will you take part in Jesus' invitation to take part in his kingdom (an invitation to be a people set apart from a life of self-servism and dehumanization into a kingdom or lifestyle or way of seflessism and humanization).
Can we live this kingdom namaste without God? Essentially can these high morals stand alone apart from the Creator?
Time and time again we've seen leaders and religions with these morals...but why have they failed? why have they become corrupted? Many times people (christians included) start off with good intentions.. equality, selflessness, etc..but with human ability alone, we are prone to fail...due to our limited knowledge, our feelings, our nature when temptations creep in.... basically we're not God. That's why those good things (as attractive as they are) anytime it stands alone/apart from God... doesn't work. We need to know who our Creator is in order to know how to properly live a life intended by Him. The two need to go hand in hand because it is God who has unlimited knowledge, it is Jesus who loved perfectly (unconditionally).
I personally don't think that God's kingdom is a far away thing, I believe that we become a part of his kingdom when we join in on the work that God has begun.
God is Almighty..Yes.. and he does have the power to do whatever he wants, such as getting rid of hunger and disease and pain. Jesus and his followers have healed the sick and raised the dead…but eventually the people that have been healed by the miracles of Jesus will eventually get sick from something else and die from something else (can’t remember where I read this). It isn’t the miracles and power that makes God God. When the people asked Jesus to save himself, Jesus had the power to save himself. When Satan tempted Jesus to make stones into bread (probably a huge temptation to get rid of hunger in the world) Jesus had the power to do so, but Jesus knew that it wasn’t an issue of hunger but rather an issue of whether his people (anyone willing to follow him) were willing to give a shit about these people who’ve been forgotten and treated like nothing. When Satan tempted Jesus to jump off in the center of the Roman Empire and prove to the world and the religious powers that he is God, Jesus could have done so, and may have been very tempted to do so. But if at any time Jesus gave into the self-idolizing act and greed for power with the world, he would have failed to relay the point. It is not that Jesus healed the leper, it was that Jesus touched someone that nobody dared to go near. It was that Jesus accepted the prostitute that the religious folks had judged. It was that Jesus accepted the tax collector (the “bad” one). We remember the Jesus who loved the loweliest, the judged, the marginalized, the forgotten, the unloved, those yearning to be loved. Jesus was teaching his people (whoever is willing to follow) to stop dehumanizing God’s creation, stop violence, and stop treating people like shit. He calls his people (whoever is willing to follow) to truly live as we were intended to live set apart from the ways of the devil (power, pride, greed....etc)
The reason why we don’t find God at the top (the place with all the pride, the money, greed, usually success) or even on the road that leads to that path is because on that road people have ignored God’s intended way of living, loving, and sharing and have chosen to live lives apart from God and don’t want anything to do with him (usually these are the people who “have it altogether” and know it all) and in Romans 1:18-32 God reveals his wrath to them. The funny thing is..God’s wrath/condemnation isn’t what we think it is. God's wrath is by letting them go to live as they wish (if you don’t believe me..read it). He pretty much says, “If you don’t care, there’s nothing else I can do, I’m not going to force you to do anything (b/c that will only make you into robots), so fine go and live and do as you please” …resulting in a people making a hell of God’s creation by hoarding, lusting, sexually confused, hurting each other, and walking through a downward spiral of dehumanization and negatively impacting society’s marginalized, forgotten, and making the gap between the rich and poor greater and greater and then wondering how God could do such a thing to the poor and the suffering.
So Jesus calls us to live set apart from this kind of hell. He calls us to live as heaven on earth, to pray for his kingdom come (impacting people with love and inviting people to live as heaven on earth), to only take our daily bread (only what we need…so that we don’t walk down that road of greed, hoarding, gluttony).
A lot of times the reason why so many “Christians” are dry, empty, and in need of something to fill them up again and again is because we ourselves are confused with Jesus’ teachings and the world we live in. I guess the question to ask is, is it possible to follow Jesus (to show people a life that values humans) while holding on to stuff? I personally think that is why Jesus was poor. It just seems a little hypocritical to say we love God and cause someone to suffer because we value that new gadget over a person…a real person..yes real…maybe that’s what we don’t get. Maybe people aren’t real to us when we don’t see them or interact with them…maybe that’s why our hearts are changed when we encounter the suffering, the orphans, the widows, the poor….b/c we see that they are real.
We say we love God…but God says... how can you love the Creator if you treat His creation like nothing? We say we love Jesus, but Jesus tells us that whatever we do for the needy we have done for Jesus himself.
If religious people are merely gathering among themselves and creating their own “Christian culture” they are no followers of Jesus. It is on that ironic road that Jesus walked of selflessism and humanization (through sacrificial love), we find life, humans, God, a kingdom. This kingdom is already in the midst of us. Since the beginning of time, God has called his people over and over to live a life set apart, and Jesus comes to show us how to live that set apart life and invites us to join in this kingdom characterized by seeing the divine nature in each human and treating them as God’s precious creation.
I’m a little biased…so to compensate for it I’m gonna pretty much quote a huge section out of the new book I’m reading called Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne P.95. This section is talking about the Sermon on the Mount (read it first if you don’t know it).
“If the people of God were to transform the world through fascination, these amazing teachings had to work at the center of these peculiar people. Then we can look into the eyes of a centurion and see not a beast but a child of God, and then walk with that child a couple of miles. Look into the eyes of tax collectors as they sue you in court; see their poverty and give them your coat. Look into the eyes of the ones who are hardest for you to like, and see the One you love. For God loves good and bad people. Even God doesn’t grasp for the knowledge of good and evil but sends rain to water the fields of both the just and the unjust. That’s why enemy love is the only thing that Jesus says makes a person like God---perfect.” (side note: Yoder notes that the word perfect here doesn’t mean “without blemish” but means “unconditional” (Politics of Jesus, 117))
My Prayer:
God, I don’t know what to do with all this stuff around me right now. I want to follow you but because of the messed up and confused life that I have lived with mixed messages coming from all over I have gotten myself into a bit of a trap and I don’t know where to begin and what to do. My heart still aches as I look at this world and I am frustrated by my own selfishness and greed. Help me God to live a life set apart for you. If there is something that you want me to let go of, would you show me what it is, and then open another (your) door for me. If you want me to give away my jacket would you show me where to give it? If you want me to let go of my dresser, would you show me where you want me to give it to. Open these doors for me, I am willing to give You (for your kingdomàyour creation) anything. I just need to start somewhere. I will take time right now to pause and think of what you want me to let go of.
My books? Seriously? Interesting…not what I had imagined. book according to the person who needs it? with a message in the cover of each book, “…pass this book on to the next person needed”
Ummmm…okay if that’s the first step you want me to take….I’ll do it…..
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Love your enemies
I found this on http://blog.ministrygrowers.com/2008/02/13/can-you-love-your-enemies/
It's a pretty strong statement to make. I say before we can even love anyone, we need to know what it means to love. What does this love look like? And that's when we look at the sacrificial and selfless love that Christ displayed. A love that only gives (undeservingly) yet does not expect anything in return. It's love for no other reason than just love.
It's a pretty strong statement to make. I say before we can even love anyone, we need to know what it means to love. What does this love look like? And that's when we look at the sacrificial and selfless love that Christ displayed. A love that only gives (undeservingly) yet does not expect anything in return. It's love for no other reason than just love.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Church
So I started reading this book called Revolution by Barna and it has touched basis on a lot of things that’s been on my heart lately.
I attend this leadership/prayer group regularly and one of the girls in the group one week was sharing some of her struggles about how her mom was in the hospital sick and she was drained with taking care of her younger siblings, making dinner, as well as going to school. We prayed that God would give her strength, peace, and comfort.
But then God convicted me. If we are the church, the body of Christ, if we are truly to be Jesus’ body, what could we have done to meet her needs? Some of us could have helped her make dinner for her family, we could’ve written her notes of encouragement, or taken her out to relieve her from the stress that she experiences at home, or those closer to her family could have visited her mom.
Then God suddenly brought my attention to a close friend who had been struggling financially. And I clearly remember her sharing this with us (group of friends) with tears in her eyes. And I regret that we didn’t do anything as sisters in Christ.
And I realized that the reason why the world can’t tell the difference between a Christian and a non-believer is because we aren’t being the church, we are merely church-goers, or Jesus-admirers. We make no effort to advance his kingdom, or put down or own will and take up His.
Do we act in love as Jesus did without expecting anything in return? How are we supposed to love our enemies and love strangers if we don’t even know how to love our own brothers and sisters?
What if small groups shared their needs and thought of ways they could be the church and meet that need? And once the needs within the group are met, what if each person in that small group advanced God’s kingdom by bringing in the need of someone they knew outside the church to the group and thought of ways they could meet that need by being the living body of Christ? What if the money given to the church was distributed within small groups as needed to advance his kingdom, loving and meeting the needs of those around us before spending it on better sound systems and buildings? When somebody asks us why we do what we do, what if we are able to say that God wants you to know that he loves you, or that we want to love in the same way God loves, or that we are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, rather than debating and muttering theology and empty words? What if people outside of church began to praise God because Jesus is alive?! What if people began to share testimonies of how the living church has changed their lives? What if the praise time that occurs at church once a week becomes a time of praising a God who is alive, taking joy and giving thanks that lives are changed? What if we invited people to take part in this kind of ministry?!
When I look around me and look at myself, I see that things are messed up. But there is a groaning within me that things don’t have to stay that way. We can criticize the church all day…but the truth is church is made up of people and we don’t have it altogether, but God hasn’t given up on the church rather he died for the church. Rather than criticizing the church, maybe we can think of ways of being the church…even if it starts with two or three people…inviting others to be a part of advancing God’s kingdom. I asked someone what God’s kingdom looks like to him, and he responded, “A bunch of ordinary, imperfect people following a perfect God.” What does it mean to follow a God who sacrificed and bled for the church? What does it mean to follow Jesus? What was Jesus trying to say to the world when he proclaimed a love that goes beyond culture, ethnicity, and family to strangers and enemies? What does it mean to bleed for the church?
The truth is, the kingdom of God is among us (Luke 17:21). And His kingdom/God’s story will come to completion whether we like it or not. His Will will be done whether we take part in his story by advancing his kingdom or not. God wants us to be a part of his story, but that choice is in our hands. The gospel invites us to follow in the way of Jesus who embodies for us the way of the kingdom.
I just want to leave this post with one last comment. I’m reading this book called Mere Discipleship by Lee Camp and I’m just going to quote a section.
“We might summarize Revelation this way: in the ring of human history, there’s a bleeding Lamb in one corner and a dragon in the other. “Common sense” would tell us we should place our bet on the dragon—but there’s a new common sense, a new reality, in which the Lamb turns out victorious. It’s the people of God, the church, who are supposed to know that secret because the mystery has been revealed in Christ.”
“John’s Revelation proclaims that the continuity of the church’s witness in martyrdom, in participation in the blood of the Lamb, leads to victory (12:11).”
If that’s the case….maybe church is far from what it’s supposed to be. But it doesn't have to stay that way.
I attend this leadership/prayer group regularly and one of the girls in the group one week was sharing some of her struggles about how her mom was in the hospital sick and she was drained with taking care of her younger siblings, making dinner, as well as going to school. We prayed that God would give her strength, peace, and comfort.
But then God convicted me. If we are the church, the body of Christ, if we are truly to be Jesus’ body, what could we have done to meet her needs? Some of us could have helped her make dinner for her family, we could’ve written her notes of encouragement, or taken her out to relieve her from the stress that she experiences at home, or those closer to her family could have visited her mom.
Then God suddenly brought my attention to a close friend who had been struggling financially. And I clearly remember her sharing this with us (group of friends) with tears in her eyes. And I regret that we didn’t do anything as sisters in Christ.
And I realized that the reason why the world can’t tell the difference between a Christian and a non-believer is because we aren’t being the church, we are merely church-goers, or Jesus-admirers. We make no effort to advance his kingdom, or put down or own will and take up His.
Do we act in love as Jesus did without expecting anything in return? How are we supposed to love our enemies and love strangers if we don’t even know how to love our own brothers and sisters?
What if small groups shared their needs and thought of ways they could be the church and meet that need? And once the needs within the group are met, what if each person in that small group advanced God’s kingdom by bringing in the need of someone they knew outside the church to the group and thought of ways they could meet that need by being the living body of Christ? What if the money given to the church was distributed within small groups as needed to advance his kingdom, loving and meeting the needs of those around us before spending it on better sound systems and buildings? When somebody asks us why we do what we do, what if we are able to say that God wants you to know that he loves you, or that we want to love in the same way God loves, or that we are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, rather than debating and muttering theology and empty words? What if people outside of church began to praise God because Jesus is alive?! What if people began to share testimonies of how the living church has changed their lives? What if the praise time that occurs at church once a week becomes a time of praising a God who is alive, taking joy and giving thanks that lives are changed? What if we invited people to take part in this kind of ministry?!
When I look around me and look at myself, I see that things are messed up. But there is a groaning within me that things don’t have to stay that way. We can criticize the church all day…but the truth is church is made up of people and we don’t have it altogether, but God hasn’t given up on the church rather he died for the church. Rather than criticizing the church, maybe we can think of ways of being the church…even if it starts with two or three people…inviting others to be a part of advancing God’s kingdom. I asked someone what God’s kingdom looks like to him, and he responded, “A bunch of ordinary, imperfect people following a perfect God.” What does it mean to follow a God who sacrificed and bled for the church? What does it mean to follow Jesus? What was Jesus trying to say to the world when he proclaimed a love that goes beyond culture, ethnicity, and family to strangers and enemies? What does it mean to bleed for the church?
The truth is, the kingdom of God is among us (Luke 17:21). And His kingdom/God’s story will come to completion whether we like it or not. His Will will be done whether we take part in his story by advancing his kingdom or not. God wants us to be a part of his story, but that choice is in our hands. The gospel invites us to follow in the way of Jesus who embodies for us the way of the kingdom.
I just want to leave this post with one last comment. I’m reading this book called Mere Discipleship by Lee Camp and I’m just going to quote a section.
“We might summarize Revelation this way: in the ring of human history, there’s a bleeding Lamb in one corner and a dragon in the other. “Common sense” would tell us we should place our bet on the dragon—but there’s a new common sense, a new reality, in which the Lamb turns out victorious. It’s the people of God, the church, who are supposed to know that secret because the mystery has been revealed in Christ.”
“John’s Revelation proclaims that the continuity of the church’s witness in martyrdom, in participation in the blood of the Lamb, leads to victory (12:11).”
If that’s the case….maybe church is far from what it’s supposed to be. But it doesn't have to stay that way.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
narrow path
You know it's kind of scary. I've been seeking after the meaning of Christianity, life, truth, and the more I read into it, the more freaked out I get about where I am, where this world is at, and where the church is at.
I mean the church tells me what Christianity is, I've heard things from people since I was little, but my ears have actually only opened to the truths only about 10 months ago. When I was first challenged, I couldn't even open the bible because the words scared me too much. It was as if not knowing was better than knowing and not doing...which is I think kinda true.
As I seek after truth, I become more and more aware that I am not living a life that God wants me to be living. The Bible is so clear, Jesus' calling to discipleship is so clear, God's calling to living for his kingdom is soooo frickin clear! And I live and pull through each day pulling my hair with something bubbling within me ready to explode. But I keep it in...I have to...I have to maintain and stay cool and just keep going right?
The good news/gospel is not about "God I believe in you. Thank you Jesus for washing my sins away. Period"
The good news proclaimed by Jesus is "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."
"Repentance, metanoia, does not mean feeling badly about one's sins, kicking or shaming oneself for one's wrongdoing. Instead, repentance means change, and without change, without deep, thoroughgoing change, one could not enter and participate in the kingdom." Lee Camp
Mark 1: 15 "The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!"
"The "kingdom" announced by Jesus was no mere "spiritual" idea or a new "religion" or a new "personal relationship with God" or even an "opportunity to go to heaven" but a kingdom that threatened the very fabric of the political and social and religious status quo." Lee Camp
The quotes that I have written down below are some of the examples of words that challenge me and open my eyes and my ears.
What does it mean to be a follower of Christ? to take up the cross? to live as Christ lived?
Maybe the path down that road is narrow afterall...and few find it...
I mean the church tells me what Christianity is, I've heard things from people since I was little, but my ears have actually only opened to the truths only about 10 months ago. When I was first challenged, I couldn't even open the bible because the words scared me too much. It was as if not knowing was better than knowing and not doing...which is I think kinda true.
As I seek after truth, I become more and more aware that I am not living a life that God wants me to be living. The Bible is so clear, Jesus' calling to discipleship is so clear, God's calling to living for his kingdom is soooo frickin clear! And I live and pull through each day pulling my hair with something bubbling within me ready to explode. But I keep it in...I have to...I have to maintain and stay cool and just keep going right?
The good news/gospel is not about "God I believe in you. Thank you Jesus for washing my sins away. Period"
The good news proclaimed by Jesus is "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."
"Repentance, metanoia, does not mean feeling badly about one's sins, kicking or shaming oneself for one's wrongdoing. Instead, repentance means change, and without change, without deep, thoroughgoing change, one could not enter and participate in the kingdom." Lee Camp
Mark 1: 15 "The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!"
"The "kingdom" announced by Jesus was no mere "spiritual" idea or a new "religion" or a new "personal relationship with God" or even an "opportunity to go to heaven" but a kingdom that threatened the very fabric of the political and social and religious status quo." Lee Camp
The quotes that I have written down below are some of the examples of words that challenge me and open my eyes and my ears.
What does it mean to be a follower of Christ? to take up the cross? to live as Christ lived?
Maybe the path down that road is narrow afterall...and few find it...
Favorite quotes...actually quotes that make me think is a better way of puttin git
"Jesus was not simply a missionary to the poor. He was poor...That is the Jesus we follow." Shane Claiborne
Not saying that we all need to be poor, but what does this mean to us as followers of Christ? Does it mean anything? Could possibly living with so much stuff in this life make it more difficult to follow Jesus who had nothing?
"Today, as in days past, there is no way to tell from a person's life, from his deeds, whether or not he is a believer." Leo Tolstoy
"Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ." Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"Whosoever boasts that he is a Christian, the same must walk as Christ walked" Menno Simons
Kinda harsh, direct...kinda scary eh?
"As we consider what it means to be "born again"...we must ask what it means to be born again into a family in which our sisters and brothers are starving to death...It also becomes scandalous for the church to spend money on windows and building when some family members don't even have water. Welcome to the dysfunctional family of Yahweh." Shane Claiborne"
"The man that can spend money in extending his already broad acres, while his brother and his brother's children cry for bread--the woman that can spend money in purchasing a stylish bonnet, an expensive cloak, or a fine dress, merely to appear fashionable, while her sister and sister's children are shivering with cold and scarce able to cover their nakedness, are no Christians... they are on the broad road that leads to death." (David Lipscomb quoted by Lee Camp)
I think these two quotes really illustrate how being rich really does not make sense as a true disciple of Christ.
"But if we are the bodyWhy aren't His arms reaching?Why aren't His hands healing?Why aren't His words teaching?And if we are the bodyWhy aren't His feet going?Why is His love not showing them there is a way?" Casting Crowns
I love these lyrics b/c they really emphasize what it means to be the church, to be the body of Jesus.
"Jesus came not just to prepare us to die but to teach us how to live." Shane Claiborne
I totally agree. I don't believe that being a Christian is just about being saved and going to heaven when we die. To be honest if our lives aren't transformed or being transformed and if we're not living for God's kingdom now, I'm not quite sure if we've really met Jesus.
"The greatest cause of atheism is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny him with their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." Brennan Manning
I believe that Jesus should be evident in a Christians life. This is my prayer. That people may see God evident in my life by the way I live. If I am truly a part of the body of Christ, then people should be encountering Jesus when people encounter me. This is my prayer. That I may carry the good news wherever I go by the way I live and bring God's kingdom everywhere with me.
"Love God, love people, and follow Jesus" Simple Way
I believe church needs to keep it simple...like this. It is simple and to the core.
"Love is a harsh and dreadful thing to ask of us, but it is the only answer" Dorothy Day
"This love is not sentimental but heart wrenching, the most difficult and the most beautiful thing in the world." Shane Claiborne.
Christianity is not easy...b/c we must rise above human nature and everything this world our body and mind tells us to do... and just love in a way that makes no sense at all.
"The call to "radical discipleship" is thus not a call to a burdensom moral perfectionism, but a call to leave the old ways of death and darkness, and walk in the new way of abundant life and glorious light, with the Christ who is Light and Life. There, on the path with Christ, we are loved even when we do not deserve to be loved. And there, on the path with Christ, we too are called to love those about us who do not deserve to be loved." Lee Camp
Loving the unlovely, the undeserving, the annoying, the difficult to love, the enemies. We are called to love them ('like' is a feeling. 'love' is an action) just as Christ loves us. hmmm.... He calls us to do some crazy difficult things... but if you say so... since you tell me that this is the way to living an abundant life!
"I'm not too concerned about what I am going to do. I am more interested in who I am becoming. I want to be a lover of God and people." Shane Claiborne
This is very challenging...especially in a society where our career, education and jobs are....essentially everything...how else do you survive? how else do you make money? what else would you do? If our career or achieving our career is consuming us and preventing us from becoming the person God created us to be, would God ask us to give it up and trust Him? Would God really provide for our needs when we choose to become more like him?
"When the poor meet the rich, riches will have no meaning. And when the rich meet the poor, we will see poverty come to an end." Shane Claiborne
So true. Read his book...so good.
"It is among the wealthy that we can find the most terrible poverty of all---loneliness." Mother Teresa
"The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give it away" unknown
Wow!
"There is something scandalous about grace. It's almost embarrassing that God loves losers so much." Shane Claiborne.
"Don't spin today away, cuz today will soon be gone." Switchfoot
"Oh remind me that I have not reached home" Downhere
Not saying that we all need to be poor, but what does this mean to us as followers of Christ? Does it mean anything? Could possibly living with so much stuff in this life make it more difficult to follow Jesus who had nothing?
"Today, as in days past, there is no way to tell from a person's life, from his deeds, whether or not he is a believer." Leo Tolstoy
"Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ." Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"Whosoever boasts that he is a Christian, the same must walk as Christ walked" Menno Simons
Kinda harsh, direct...kinda scary eh?
"As we consider what it means to be "born again"...we must ask what it means to be born again into a family in which our sisters and brothers are starving to death...It also becomes scandalous for the church to spend money on windows and building when some family members don't even have water. Welcome to the dysfunctional family of Yahweh." Shane Claiborne"
"The man that can spend money in extending his already broad acres, while his brother and his brother's children cry for bread--the woman that can spend money in purchasing a stylish bonnet, an expensive cloak, or a fine dress, merely to appear fashionable, while her sister and sister's children are shivering with cold and scarce able to cover their nakedness, are no Christians... they are on the broad road that leads to death." (David Lipscomb quoted by Lee Camp)
I think these two quotes really illustrate how being rich really does not make sense as a true disciple of Christ.
"But if we are the bodyWhy aren't His arms reaching?Why aren't His hands healing?Why aren't His words teaching?And if we are the bodyWhy aren't His feet going?Why is His love not showing them there is a way?" Casting Crowns
I love these lyrics b/c they really emphasize what it means to be the church, to be the body of Jesus.
"Jesus came not just to prepare us to die but to teach us how to live." Shane Claiborne
I totally agree. I don't believe that being a Christian is just about being saved and going to heaven when we die. To be honest if our lives aren't transformed or being transformed and if we're not living for God's kingdom now, I'm not quite sure if we've really met Jesus.
"The greatest cause of atheism is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny him with their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." Brennan Manning
I believe that Jesus should be evident in a Christians life. This is my prayer. That people may see God evident in my life by the way I live. If I am truly a part of the body of Christ, then people should be encountering Jesus when people encounter me. This is my prayer. That I may carry the good news wherever I go by the way I live and bring God's kingdom everywhere with me.
"Love God, love people, and follow Jesus" Simple Way
I believe church needs to keep it simple...like this. It is simple and to the core.
"Love is a harsh and dreadful thing to ask of us, but it is the only answer" Dorothy Day
"This love is not sentimental but heart wrenching, the most difficult and the most beautiful thing in the world." Shane Claiborne.
Christianity is not easy...b/c we must rise above human nature and everything this world our body and mind tells us to do... and just love in a way that makes no sense at all.
"The call to "radical discipleship" is thus not a call to a burdensom moral perfectionism, but a call to leave the old ways of death and darkness, and walk in the new way of abundant life and glorious light, with the Christ who is Light and Life. There, on the path with Christ, we are loved even when we do not deserve to be loved. And there, on the path with Christ, we too are called to love those about us who do not deserve to be loved." Lee Camp
Loving the unlovely, the undeserving, the annoying, the difficult to love, the enemies. We are called to love them ('like' is a feeling. 'love' is an action) just as Christ loves us. hmmm.... He calls us to do some crazy difficult things... but if you say so... since you tell me that this is the way to living an abundant life!
"I'm not too concerned about what I am going to do. I am more interested in who I am becoming. I want to be a lover of God and people." Shane Claiborne
This is very challenging...especially in a society where our career, education and jobs are....essentially everything...how else do you survive? how else do you make money? what else would you do? If our career or achieving our career is consuming us and preventing us from becoming the person God created us to be, would God ask us to give it up and trust Him? Would God really provide for our needs when we choose to become more like him?
"When the poor meet the rich, riches will have no meaning. And when the rich meet the poor, we will see poverty come to an end." Shane Claiborne
So true. Read his book...so good.
"It is among the wealthy that we can find the most terrible poverty of all---loneliness." Mother Teresa
"The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give it away" unknown
Wow!
"There is something scandalous about grace. It's almost embarrassing that God loves losers so much." Shane Claiborne.
"Don't spin today away, cuz today will soon be gone." Switchfoot
"Oh remind me that I have not reached home" Downhere
Monday, January 7, 2008
Heart
Romans 12:9 “Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.”
What is good?
God called his creation good several times. “He saw that it was good”
Why? I believe it is because everything before the fall was the way God intended it to be. I think clinging onto good then means when we are clinging onto and living in the way God intended things to be.
How can we know God’s intent and his heart? When we read the word, we see that God’s heart is for his kingdom where brokenness of humanity is restored and healed to the way he intends things to be. I believe that is why God has such a heart for humanity, the lost, the broken, the hurting, the hungry, the orphans, the widows. We are living in a world that isn’t the way God intends things to be, and although it was entirely due to mankind’s choices, God doesn’t want to leave us like this.
Anyways, back to the verse…so “hold on to dear life to good” I believe that in order to even do this we need to bear God’s heart. The same heart that breaks and cries and mourns for the things that God cries for. The same heart that leaps with joy when the lost are found, and when the hungry are fed. Like Mark Buchanan says in his book ‘Your God is too safe’, “He (Jesus) knows our drowsy indifference to matters of highest importance, our rabid passion for matters that are trivial. He knows we get angrier at missing a bus or being delayed on a runway than we do at crimes of genocide. He knows we rejoice more in winning a game of pinochle than we do in the news that the hungry are fed, the lost are found. So Jesus doesn’t entrust Himself to us.” (Read John 2:25) This is truly how far our heart is from God’s.
As the church we are to be God’s hands and feet. But how can we be the church/the body of Christ if we don’t bear God’s heart. If our gifts, talents, and lives aren't used for God's kingdom then it truly amounts to nothing.
This New year, I pray that God would stretch and break my heart. I pray for a heart of compassion and for a heart that beats for the same things God’s heart beats for. I don’t want to ask for forgiveness because I did something wrong but I want to cry for breaking God’s heart and ask that He would change my heart, transform me, refine me, and mold me into the way he created me to be.
What is good?
God called his creation good several times. “He saw that it was good”
Why? I believe it is because everything before the fall was the way God intended it to be. I think clinging onto good then means when we are clinging onto and living in the way God intended things to be.
How can we know God’s intent and his heart? When we read the word, we see that God’s heart is for his kingdom where brokenness of humanity is restored and healed to the way he intends things to be. I believe that is why God has such a heart for humanity, the lost, the broken, the hurting, the hungry, the orphans, the widows. We are living in a world that isn’t the way God intends things to be, and although it was entirely due to mankind’s choices, God doesn’t want to leave us like this.
Anyways, back to the verse…so “hold on to dear life to good” I believe that in order to even do this we need to bear God’s heart. The same heart that breaks and cries and mourns for the things that God cries for. The same heart that leaps with joy when the lost are found, and when the hungry are fed. Like Mark Buchanan says in his book ‘Your God is too safe’, “He (Jesus) knows our drowsy indifference to matters of highest importance, our rabid passion for matters that are trivial. He knows we get angrier at missing a bus or being delayed on a runway than we do at crimes of genocide. He knows we rejoice more in winning a game of pinochle than we do in the news that the hungry are fed, the lost are found. So Jesus doesn’t entrust Himself to us.” (Read John 2:25) This is truly how far our heart is from God’s.
As the church we are to be God’s hands and feet. But how can we be the church/the body of Christ if we don’t bear God’s heart. If our gifts, talents, and lives aren't used for God's kingdom then it truly amounts to nothing.
This New year, I pray that God would stretch and break my heart. I pray for a heart of compassion and for a heart that beats for the same things God’s heart beats for. I don’t want to ask for forgiveness because I did something wrong but I want to cry for breaking God’s heart and ask that He would change my heart, transform me, refine me, and mold me into the way he created me to be.
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