narrow path

You know it's kind of scary. I've been seeking after the meaning of Christianity, life, truth, and the more I read into it, the more freaked out I get about where I am, where this world is at, and where the church is at.
I mean the church tells me what Christianity is, I've heard things from people since I was little, but my ears have actually only opened to the truths only about 10 months ago. When I was first challenged, I couldn't even open the bible because the words scared me too much. It was as if not knowing was better than knowing and not doing...which is I think kinda true.

As I seek after truth, I become more and more aware that I am not living a life that God wants me to be living. The Bible is so clear, Jesus' calling to discipleship is so clear, God's calling to living for his kingdom is soooo frickin clear! And I live and pull through each day pulling my hair with something bubbling within me ready to explode. But I keep it in...I have to...I have to maintain and stay cool and just keep going right?

The good news/gospel is not about "God I believe in you. Thank you Jesus for washing my sins away. Period"
The good news proclaimed by Jesus is "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."

"Repentance, metanoia, does not mean feeling badly about one's sins, kicking or shaming oneself for one's wrongdoing. Instead, repentance means change, and without change, without deep, thoroughgoing change, one could not enter and participate in the kingdom." Lee Camp

Mark 1: 15 "The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!"

"The "kingdom" announced by Jesus was no mere "spiritual" idea or a new "religion" or a new "personal relationship with God" or even an "opportunity to go to heaven" but a kingdom that threatened the very fabric of the political and social and religious status quo." Lee Camp

The quotes that I have written down below are some of the examples of words that challenge me and open my eyes and my ears.
What does it mean to be a follower of Christ? to take up the cross? to live as Christ lived?
Maybe the path down that road is narrow afterall...and few find it...