Fountain-living

One day I was sitting in the pews at church and God flashed a beautiful picture of a fountain at me. This picture unravelled some truths in my life that I hadn't realized. So I started writing on it. I don't have very much, but this is what I have so far.

The Order of God

Have you ever thought about what happens when we live life out of order? When following the order of a recipe what happens when we put the pan full of ingredients into the oven before actually mixing it altogether? I’ve never done this before but I would imagine parts of the “baked good” would become burnt, other parts out of place, the eggs would be completely cooked, and it would look like one big giant mess. For some reason when we follow the order of the recipe, even though we use all the same ingredients, the baked good comes out exactly the way the maker (of the recipe) intended it to be. In the same way God is the Creator, Maker of the Universe, and he is a God of order. There is an order and a way this life was meant to be lived. Unfortunately we have missed the mark and messed up real bad. We are that big unmixed baked mess. Fortunately Jesus lived in the rightful order of the way God intended every human being to live. This order is what I will call the “fountain-way”. Before I begin discussing the various parts of the fountain, I will begin by stating something that someone taught me during my work in the Downtown Eastside (DTES) of Vancouver which I will never forget. I believe it is a pretty well-known theological? model used. I worked at a drop-in center in the DTES called the Living Room which is a huge room that people in the DTES with severe mental illness can access for services, activities, food, or just sit down to play a game of scrabble and crib. During my work there I had a lot of free time and opportunity to talk to many people including this one man I cam across.  He was one of those rare deep thinkers. He has read so many books and thought of so many things, 50% of the time I could not follow what he was saying. Not because he didn’t make any sense but because his thinking was too deep. I used to begin by making a conscious effort to try and follow what he was saying but about halfway through a philosophy or concept I would lose him and just sit there nodding my head and sitting in complete confusion. Among the many many many things that he shared with me, one thing that stuck out for me was the concept of the vertical and horizontal cross. Up until that point I have never heard or thought of this before. He told me that one of the reasons that he lived in this neighbourhood as one of "these people" was due to the horizontal aspect of the cross. He went on to say much more; unfortunately the only thing I remember is the fact that the vertical line represents our relationship with God, whereas the horizontal line represents social justice and our relationship with others around us. Both are needed to make the cross and what he was saying was that for many Christians, the horizontal line is missing and unless we have both we don't really understand the meaning of the cross. In other words you aren't really a follower of Christ, you are only "labelled one" unless your life reflects both lines of this cross. This line of thinking is in fact one of the reasons I even began exposing myself to different works in the DTES. I grew up in a safe church and in a Christian family and I knew there was much more to what God had in mind when he sent his Son. I too believed this to be doing something about the social injustices of this world. I was yearning to know God’s heart and what He was all about and surprise surprise, he showed it to me. He showed me his heart for mankind, his heart ache and tears upon injustice, and his unconditional love for the very people in my backyard, the Downtown Eastside. I could not contain myself upon this truth. I could not turn my eye. I could not ignore what I had just learned. Immediately I acted upon this revelation of truth. I felt like I had finally realized the purpose of my life. At that point in my life I did all that I could do, unfortunately I could not give more than I wanted due to the nursing program at school that I was in, but I did what I could. I knew there was some major injustice even within our city when I walked down east hastings. I helped out at Beauty Nights for the women in the DTES, I volunteered at a clinic, I volunteered at a Christian organization, and eventually I began working in the DTES at the Living Room and Mission Possible. I learned a lot. The hard way. In many ways I am glad I did because God knew I was yearning for truth. I learned from people’s stories and my heart broke and cried out for this neighborhood. The history, the physical and sexual abuse that many of these people experienced, the way some lives spun out of control, the rejection people have received from family and society, and the coping strategy of drugs and alcohol some of these people used to escape from the hurt and pain only to find themselves spinning into a deeper and darker vicious cycle. The injustice tore my heart and like many others I could not understand how mainstream church could also turn a blind eye to these people. As time went by however, my heart ran dry, my efforts seemed pointless, my love for people began to feel fake, and I kept saying to myself over and over, "Love is an action, not a feeling", "Faith is an action, not a feeling". I continued to chug along until I hit.. depression, apathy, loss of motivation, bitterness, and periods of overwhelming emotions to no emotions whatsoever. What is this? Why is this? I asked God. He said, “Grace, you wanted to know my heart and I shared with you my heart. I also gave you this heart for people for a reason. But you missed the mark." "What do you mean?" I asked him. "That is very superwoman of you to act upon the truth that I revealed to you; however, first of all, I never asked you to be superwoman but more importantly I didn’t say yes. I didn’t give you the green light. Yes I gave you this special heart but you weren’t ready to go out for what I have in store for you.”

Fountain-living

There are those of us who act with zeal without the preparation or foundation and green light that has been given to us, and there are those of us who wait and wait even when God has given us the green light and wait our lives away. This is specifically referring to a situation post-accepting Christ as your Lord and Savior. In one of my favorite books by Shane Claiborne, he stated, “Jesus taught us how to live”. Yes, he did. I also agree with the vertical and horizontal aspect of the cross and that both are needed to worship God. Our love for others is also considered our worship to God. Our love for God is also reflected in our love for others. I just want to emphasize that accepting Christ as the only way to God comes before the second part of Christianity, “how to live”. The "how to live" does not come as a means to God. It enhances our relationship with God because we are living the way God wants us to and God is showing us more of himself when we are living in the order of the way they ought to be. This brings me to this fountain. I believe this picture is a representation of how life is meant to be lived. This fountain is comprised of four different parts. The image of this fountain came to me during the middle of service. This whole idea of God’s order continued to pop up every once in awhile particularly after hitting dead dry land following my (it felt like endless) service in the DTES, and then everything clicked together during this service when a picture of a beautiful fountain flashed in my head. From the top of this fountain water was flowing out filling the first basin and as the first basin filled it overflowed into the slightly larger basin beneath it filling that basin up and so on until the very last very large basin. This last basin was filled with dried up soil that had cracks and punctures in it all over the place. The soil looked pretty much useless. As the water poured out into this last basin the dried soil began sucking every bit of this water but the water continued to flow into this soil. There was a never-ending supply of water from the point that overflowed from the top all the way to the bottom until the soil in the last bowl began to moisten. Soon enough little spurts of green life started popping here and there. There it was. God showed me a picture of the order, the way Jesus lived his life, and the way each and one of us are to live this life. It was the fountain-effect.

The very top of the fountain was a tiny point out of which water came from. This point represents the never-ending and everlasting supply of God’s love. Water, love, joy, goodness, grace, mercy overflows out of the point and begins to fill up the first basin. The first basin represents the relationship I have with God, my Father and the love that I share with my Father. Out of the overflow of that relationship, the love and all the goodness of God overflows into the second slightly larger basin which represents my relationship with my family. The closest I can define this family is to compare it to a cell in our body, a unit, the people we would consider to be moving in unison with us. For instance a wife and a husband are to be one. It is the smallest unit that works with you along this life’s journey. For Jesus the unit was his disciples. The third cup represents our love and our relationship with other believers, the body of Christ, the Church. The last basin containing the dried and punctured soil represents the world.

God helped me to realize that all this time I had it really mixed up. I had the most love, tolerance and compassion for the world. And then I judged the church and particularly church leaders or pastors for not being the church and the light in this world. I had higher expectations and I believed that the church ought to be more like this and this. So I tried being what I believed the church ought to be.. But God was saying to me, "Grace, I'm going to use the body of Christ to bring restoration and life into this world. It is through the "church", through this community of people who have chosen to surrender their lives to Jesus and allow Jesus to work through them, through a people who realize they don't have it altogether but recognize the One who does, through a body of believers who learn to love and be united with one another recognizing the different roles everyone plays in my kingdom, I am going to use them to bring life, healing and restoration into this world. Can you accept this? Will you be a part of this?"

I don't have it altogether. I mess up. I make mistakes. My efforts fail me. My love runs dry. But I know someone whose love never runs dry, who has it altogether, and who knows what it means to live. So I surrender myself to the only One who can make a way. I allow Jesus to possess me completely and give me true life. I am learning to love and be part of a community and I am finding more and more how each person plays such a valuable part in the body of Christ, each with different roles. Truly, "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:34). There's a reason that the filling and the love and unity within the church basin comes before helping and loving the world basin. I am truly finding more and more that evangelism is a byproduct of being in relationship with the Father/allowing Christ to possess you. Out of that overflow eventually comes the healing of this broken and dried up land.